Learnings for Adults soft skill
care: most wonderful quality of human being in a relationship
January 27, 2021
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Care or control ??

I was in a a consultation with a middle age couple.They started fighting right in front of me. The upset husband said- See doc….I ‘care’ so much for her & this is what I get in return..
To which the fuming wife replied- He doesn’t care…he just ‘controls’…!

The care from one person was perceived as control by another !

Made me think…what is care and what is control??
How to identify them??

Soon I received the answer.

I had an argument with my teenage daughter over a trivial disciplinery issue…Harsh words were exchanged leaving both of us in tears…😪
After sometime, as our emotions settled down , we said sorry to each other…My daughter hugged me
and said-Papa , you know why you got upset? You were not upset because I did wrong..but u were upset because I didnt follow your instructions….there is a big difference..!

I was stunned with her mature thinking pattern…
I received my answer too…

I was trying to control her under the disguise of care…that caused the conflict ….

If I really ‘care’ from someone , I will not get upset or angry with that person…

I will keep searching different ways to help him/her…

If I am struggling in any relationship…
I need to closely observe if there is any subtle control hidden behind my apparent care…
because

Care is an expression of love
while control is an expression of ego…

Control cuts…
Care connects …

Control hurts…
Care heals…

Keep caring for people but dont control them … because

Often people are not wrong…they are just ‘different’…

Keep caring…

About author

Dr Shailesh Thaker

Dr. Shailesh Thaker is a world-renowned management thinker and trainer on organizational behavior and development. He is the CLO of Knowledge Plus Inc., a highly reputed training firm based in Ahmedabad, India, helping organizations to achieve international benchmarks in management practices.

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