According to psychologist and author Dr. Lisa Firestone, “Nothing awakens hurts like a close relationship. Our relationships stir up old feelings from our past more than anything else. Our brains are even flooded with the same neurochemical in both situations.” She posits that our style of attachment, formed early in life, influences which partners we choose and the dynamics that surface in our relationships. For instance, a secure attachment style will set the stage for healthy relationships, whereas someone who has an anxious pr preoccupied style may fear rejection from their partner.
Lots of fear are more dangerous. Sometimes, death, youth, mind, money and friend. This has no solutions. But there could be reassurance. Yes! Reassurance.
Where do you find your reassurance?
Seeking reassurance from other people is a dead end. Reassurance needs to be found from within you, not from others. Why? Because any look, word, or action from other people can be warped and wrongly interpreted as an upcoming rejection when it simply isn’t.
The tips here were created to help you feel more self-assured; which in turn, of course, will lead you to be less needy and more confident that things can work out for the best or…if they don’t, that it’s:
Not necessarily your fault.
I’m always seeking reassurance, always wondering what he really means.”
I will survive
“I wrote for twelve years and collected 250 rejection slips before getting any fiction published, so I guess outside reinforcement isn’t all that important to me.” – Bestselling author Lisa Alther
Fear of rejection – in fact, any fear – thrives on ‘end of the world thinking’:
“What if he leaves me?”
“What if she rejects me?”
“What if no one wants to speak to me at the party?”
If we feel that rejection will mean the ‘end of the world’ for us, then we will fear it all the more. It (the fear) has power over us. But if you sit down and think: “Okay, if this relationship does end, how will I manage?”, you are facing your fear constructively. Of course you’ll survive and you may even thrive. Knowing you’ll be okay whatever happens gives you huge amounts of confidence and makes it easier to finally switch off the old automatic rejection detector (which is faulty anyway).
If someone does ‘reject’ you, don’t inevitably feel it’s because you’re ‘unlovable’ or ‘destined to be alone’ – because what they’ve done is give you very clear feedback about…themselves.
Kelly grew beyond her old fear of rejection and is now happy to enjoy her present and let the future “do whatever it likes”.