Leadership Life
Where fellow feeling rules jealousy lies quiet
November 4, 2012
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Bob Marley said, “Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts; put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!”

The worst part of success is finding someone who is happy with your achievement. What I have seen in life is that people tend to feel jealous when you succeed. When people around you in an organization or society start feeling jealous about you, trust me, you are becoming better and adding value to your life script. You are improving and the barometer of success is measured with the jealousy of the people around you.

As rust consumes iron so are the envious consumed by jealousy. I strongly recommend that never let yourself step onto someone else shoe and go down the lane of invidious comparison. You cannot afford to lose your own style which marks your unique identity. It is as unique as your fingerprints. Nature is at work. Character and destiny are her handiwork. She gives us love and hate, jealousy and reverence. All that is ours and the power to choose which impulse to follow solely rests with us.

It is important we correct our attitude to develop good attitude. Happiness comes from good attitude while jealousy leads to attrition of love. When you see something is happening in someone’s life which you cannot make it happen in yours jealousy takes over through invidious comparisons and poisons the relationship even with your close friends. Good attitude developed consciously stops you from sliding to nowhere.

Controlling jealousy is a tribute in itself and comes only through positive thinking. Why not see the success of someone as a way to get inspired to scale new heights? This is within you and you can do it. Be positive and be grateful to others who make your life happy and this attitude alone is sufficient to make you lead a happy life.

Left to me alone I will be glad if someone reaches new heights of success where I cannot possibly reach. I will feel proud that a fellow human being has done it which indeed is a glory to all of us. When you can swim in the ocean of happiness why do you prefer to wallow in a shallow pool of jealousy?

Jealousy is the culmination of three negatives: expectations, entitlements and insecurity. If expectations are not met jealousy is quickly born. Many times we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and the people around us. Often we feel things should have come to us on our own right. Then if things don’t happen we run into someone who already has what we want. Suddenly there is a surge of ugly emotion called jealousy.

Our childhood upbringing too has something to do with jealousy. We presumed as matter of right we are entitled to certain things which our parents gave without asking. We believed what our parents had was all ours without realizing that parents had worked for years to achieve that. This attitude is the one that incites jealousy when one man in an organization achieves something. We berate that achievement saying that that should rightly have been ours. This thinking is so lopsided that we fail to see the stupidity and worse tend to stick to it creating bitterness all around.

An innate sense of insecurity bedevils us since the time we were kids spilling over to our adolescence. If someone had a toy as a child we wished we had one. If someone had a motorbike we expected our parents to buy one notwithstanding their financial condition. But it doesn’t stop there. We begin cursing ourselves for not having what others have. Wrapped in our own delusion of anger we create negative thoughts about others in a way accusing them of their good fortune. We start mistrusting and straining relationships. What should otherwise have led to a healthy competition now lies in ruin.

It is indeed tough to overcome jealousy but it doesn’t mean one should stop trying.
A good way to begin is to stop comparing ourselves to others. Let us think positive instead of incriminating others and move forward to the really great things to be achieved in life. Condition your mind and be free from jealousy. The easiest way to change your focus is to help others. Nothing can be better as the fellow felling is bound to teach us how bad jealousy can be!

About author

Dr Shailesh Thaker

Dr. Shailesh Thaker is a world-renowned management thinker and trainer on organizational behavior and development. He is the CLO of Knowledge Plus Inc., a highly reputed training firm based in Ahmedabad, India, helping organizations to achieve international benchmarks in management practices.

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